HACK!
by reader713
Summary: Of the resurrected shinobi fighting against the Alliance one is a mystery. Though it seems that someone recognizes him. And...why is there a copy running around calling the no-longer-dead-guy a hack? Did Kabuto seriously resurrect the body of some guy that isn't dead? PLEASE REVIEW!


_Note: Sakura is my favorite character and I had a sudden burst of inspiration for this story that fizzled out while I was writing it. Hence why it ends so abruptly. I still hope that you will review though, maybe I'll return to this universe and go into more details of the mystery of the Haruno Clan._

_REVIEW!_

_I do not own Naruto._

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"Who the hell is that?" Karui sputtered. Most of the 'dead army' was known to at least one of the villages, easily recognizable in one way or another.

Possibly there were others, but at the moment there was one 'reanimated corpse' who no one knew about and was dangerous and strong enough that so far he was unbeaten.

He was of average height and had red hair that was the color of blood and had a strange fascination for the liquid substance actually. His eyes were green and similar in a way that was on the tip of Karui's tongue. She…recognized something about him.

He was also amoral with no problem of killing. Most of the previously deceased fought against the jutsu's control of them, or stated their distaste of being controlled…he didn't. He seemed perfectly fine with being brought back to attack Madara's foes.

The Raikage had been summoned due to his mastery of lightning jutsus since the man initially used water releases…but that had proven to not be as effective as believed since he proved to use earth, wind, fire, and lightning releases and easily negated the Raikage's attacks.

At the moment they were attempting to stop his march towards the medical camp…and failing.

If they didn't think up something soon he would succeed in waking over their dead bodies to the camp.

The Raikage faltered, taken off guard by a fast attack and in that moment.

There was a flash of pink.

"Ji-chan no!" a voice screamed.

And then there was a flash of something.

"HACK!" a voice bellowed.

The male went flying.

"What the hell?" standing there was a copy of the individual, this one alive "who the hell is he?" he demanded, pointing at his unconscious ex-deceased copy "what the fuck? How did someone get a hack-…why is there a hack version of me running around?" he scowled "I was enjoying my VACATION asshole!" he hissed.

"Jii-chan!" the Hokage's second apprentice, Sakrua if Karui remembered what Naruto had called her correctly, seemed delighted to see the newcomer "I thought you were dead."

"I am dead" he said, holding up a paper "didn't you receive the invitation to my funeral? I'm dead and buried. Where the hell did that copy of me show up? Is it some weird replacement me created by R&D…" his voice trailed off and he groaned, running his fingers through his hair "hell" he grumbled "someone must have unburied the fake body I left behind" he brightened, looking rather smug "I did a good job, huh?" he asked eagerly, clearly seeking compliments "look how realistic he is."

"Um, brag later Ji-chan" Sakura said nervously as the 'fake body' got up "can you deal with him? He's causing a bit of trouble."

"Oh, right" and a second later he was behind his copy and ripped out the heart. He proceeded to take a bite "I used a pig heart" he announced "you can taste the difference…want a bite?"

"Um, no thank you."

"Seriously, these fucking assholes desecrated my grave" he complained "don't they know that the dead are supposed to rest in peace? What kind of maniac digs up graves to disturb the bodies? How dare they do that to my grave!"

"But you aren't dead" she pointed out.

"Semantics" he replied, waving a hand and dismissing her point "what if I really were dead and that had really been my grave?"

She blinked at him innocently "and your other five graves?" she asked.

"Shit" he muttered under his breath "I forgot about those" he scowled at the battlefield "I guess I'm going to have to deal with those hacks too, huh?" he asked.

"Maybe you shouldn't have faked your death so well."

"The position is until death" he grumbled "besides, it's practically tradition. Either your successor kills you or you kill yourself and save them the trouble of doing it."

"Which means faking your death" she finished, nodding her head absent-mindedly as she began healing the injured Alliance shinobi "what about a peaceful exchange of power?"

"Are you insane?" he protested "well, more insane than is normal? You do know that that brat Shiki went about killing rabbits to eat their hearts? He's a psychopath."

"You just tore out your opponent's heart and ate it" she pointed out.

"Shiki does necrophilia" he retorted before adding "and once he decides to do something he'll do it. Besides, the guy I replaced also faked his death. Last I heard he was living with six girls on an island in the middle of the ocean. It's practically tradition to fake a body. Of course, there was one guy whose successor actually killed him and then used a fake body. It took everyone six years to realize that he was really dead and hadn't faked his death. And then there was that one guy who faked his death but his successor found him three years later and killed him."

"Since you aren't dead are you coming back?" Sakura asked, obviously interested.

"No" he replied frankly "Shiki gets the position. Besides, I'm dead. I have, well, had a grave and a funeral and everything. Besides, my sister will kill me, for real this time, if she's forced to return all the gifts she got at my funeral" he stuck his hand in his pocket and removed three pieces of candy "here, I am bribing you to keep your mouth shut" he said, handing over two pieces of candy while he unwrapped the third and popped it into his mouth "and now" he said firmly "to see if these fuckers desecrated my other graves. Geez, it's like no one has any respect for the dead anymore."

At the end of the battle, the man was found dead. No one really knew what to say, and Sakura went about holding a funeral for him. Though she did insist on removing the expensive jacket he was wearing and shipping it to a rather distant island. About four months later she received a letter thanking her for the return of the jacket.

Sakura didn't cry at the funeral.

Those who knew her didn't say anything. Mostly because when she got married a year later there was a familiar figure in the back row who cheerfully informed Sakura that she made a beautiful bride before handing her an invitation to his funeral and announcing that he would be having a deadly accident in two weeks.

Sakura accepted the funeral invitation gravely and then cheerfully asked where he wanted the funeral presents shipped to. That year she received birthday presents from the same address.


End file.
